Daily Thirty is 30 minutes everyday of giving myself space to just sit down and write anything. It's for calming, therapy, grounding.
I know that I am not actually winning the whole "daily" idea here but believe me when I say that reaching #00005 is already a big milestone. Plus the fact that I am actually able to create a fresh image for each post means I am able to muster up enough focus and energy even on a workday (like today, which is Monday).
I am back to work after my unplanned 3-day leave to attend to my mental health. Not much has been specifically resolved yet although certain first steps have been done. But waiting is required for any final direction, so I wait. Painfully.
For this month I found out I had spent a quarter of my month's salary on food delivery. Because I couldn't function well enough to cook full healthy meals twice a day for a family of four adults. Because my full-time job at an advertising agency eats up most of my energy on the weekdays and leaves me with very little left even on weekends. Because the mother (with suspected undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder along with other mental conditions) has totally abdicated her role in the household and only expects to be provided for. Because the father needs his health constantly monitored due to his diabetes, hypertension, and the lump in his stomach.
During my leave I found threads of hope to solutions. I also made the decision to bring up my concerns about potentially having ADHD to my doctor on my next consult. While the anti-depressant and mood management medication are working, there remain the stark symptoms of ADHD which, looking back through the years of my life, have always been present but unrecognized. Hence the consequences of not being able to address it and manage it are compounding the other hard issues of my daily life now.
It turns out that my extremely late blooming could be because of my ADHD. The ridiculous disaster that is my life now goes against what most people know about me.
But I am still here. Despite a very fragile moment in 2017 when I almost did not get to this point. What kept me going: art. Making art. Creating an Other Place where I can pour in everything that don't fit in the "real" world. 2017 was when I bridged the Other Place with the real and started going public with being an artist.
Sadly though, sustaining that artist life remains a steep uphill struggle. All my creative contemporaries who started around the same time are now established and living relatively successful and highly visible lives as artists. I make the excuse that I will bloom later instead.
So, how is your Monday going?
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