Daily Thirty is 30 minutes every day of giving myself space just to sit down and write anything. It's for calming, therapy, grounding.
From April to August! Ha! Daily is a perpetual dream. But here I am restarting again. I'm not giving up. Just as I haven't given up on ever opening my art shop and becoming a full-time artist - by which I mean no more dayjobs.
The timer on my Finch app is on for thirty minutes. Yes, I have kept that app around. It has been a big help. I would have been more of a mess without it. I live vicariously through my birb, especially when it comes to fashion. I get to buy her stuff only if I complete daily goals. So things get done as much as is feasible in a given day.
I am on my last few days of a two-week leave and it is only today that I was able to take what can be most closely described a break. But it had cost me. Food delivery for meals so I won't have to cook plus today is my sister's turn for cat feeding so I don't have that either. I slept the entire morning after being sick again yesterday -- a likely relapse from over-exertion on Tuesday when I have barely recovered from last week's severe colds and cough.
I am trying not to dread the return to work on Monday. Especially since I've interviewed and decided on at least one new person to add to the team, and I have 2 more candidates to process. My goal is to regain a life outside of work as soon as possible, and to find ways to make my Life Cram 2024 plan start happening.
My Life Cram 2024 plan is a big-time goal plan that covers this second half of my life. It's an audacious plan that intends to push forward amidst the struggles with ADHD alongside the heavy costs of ADHD Tax, perimenopause and the impending actual menopause, and keeping a home with a narcissist parent living in it.
I am having a difficult time finding a doctor who can help me with my ADHD but I am not giving up on that either. Meanwhile, I am connecting with ADHD communities and reading up. Since my depression and anxiety are being managed better, the ADHD symptoms have been showing up more clearly. There was a moment when I doubted that I had it, but then the doubt passed and I know I have it to a certain degree. A certain degree enough to have turned my adult life down a path of disappointment and derailed successes.
I am still only on the edges of the forest when it comes to making art. I am stuck with making small pieces. It's like I cannot form a bigger thought. It's like I am grasping at a language I used to speak fluently but now can barely remember words.
What keeps me trying is the desire to feel joy and love again. The thrill of anticipation for the next chapters of a story whose happy ever after is a certainty but where the big feelings and adventures are in the hows. The happy ever after is the icing on the cake.
So there. Maybe I'll write again tomorrow. We'll see.
May the day bring you an unexpected gift.
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