I have always had a fondness for the season of October. The whole idea of "thinning of the veil" and passing through walls and worlds. In the farthest back of my head, there is still hope to hear:
Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild, With a faery, hand in hand, For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand. (W.B. Yeats)
I am a person pulled in both directions of the past and the future. And I am strongly suspicious that if I go far enough either way I will end up in the other.
It all goes and comes around.
The future hurtles towards an unknown that harkens back to something ancient.
There was a song in the 1990s that went "It's all been done."
I believe we just forgot. And we keep forgetting.
Gods take on many faces but they remain the same. Cruel or benevolent is a matter of perspective. Gods are agile. Now they are in the machines while staying in the dark of the deep sea where they have barely stirred.
I am changing but I am the same. It's only another face, another voice. What was soft before is now hard and loud. What was quiet wants to speak up. What was hidden wants to come out and it cuts.
On Friday, tomorrow, I will have my first ever ADHD consult.
On Monday, I will present a proposal and plan that will start to change some things at work. (I hope.)
Today I will begin the changes because I will do them anyway.
I am a late bloomer. I languish. I brew. Then all at once, I am a hurricane. Often just before midnight. Before the clock strikes and before everything turns to pumpkin and mice.
Maleficent is an ally. Fairy godmothers exist but are hard to find. Sometimes a mother is more like the evil stepmother you didn't deserve.
The beast is also often just myself. We both love books very much.
And after decades that felt like millennia, the prince has been left behind. In the long run, it seems he cannot be trusted. The shoe will no longer fit. I prefer to go barefoot now. Moss and autumn leaves beneath my steps, as I go deeper into the forest that is also a portal to another universe.
I promised my sister last night that I would reclaim my 30 minutes in the morning for the nth time. So here I am.
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