When did you start having real conflict with your mother?
I have always had difficulty reconciling many of her beliefs, behaviors, words, and habits with what I hoped for as a daughter and vis-a-vis what I saw how other mothers were.
I started really having issues during the pandemic when my dad almost died and in the midst of all the trauma and challenges I realized how she did not have any real empathy, compassion, nor love for any of us and most especially my dad.
And when my sister and I started to unpack all our baggage since childhood, a common thread is how much the mother has made it all about herself and her needs. She had all the signs of a narcissist. And putting the filter of that label on all the difficulties we've had dealing with her made it all make sense.
To this day, she has a way of gaslighting us despite our knowing better. To this day, I feel like I am being a bad daughter for not being the kind of good daughter she wanted. I have been taking away her powers to cause more damage to our household, our health, our economic wellbeing -- although most of these things are already worn down by decades of neglect and dismissal.
My own life has been put on hold for so long because I have been trying to put to right everything that has gone wrong because of her.
My own life is coming to an end still struggling to make things right and better. And I am so very exhausted already.
And until now it's all about how I am not making it easy for her to do what she wants and be able to shape the world according to herself.
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