I am borrowing the spoon analogy to represent my energy level from those who endure through chronic fatigue syndrome. Since I got caught by Covid the first time in 2020, and then for two or three more times in the succeeding years, I was never even able to recover my full energy. I am not diagnosed with CFS but I surely feel it every single day, and combined with anxiety and depression it has been extremely challenging.
The past work week has caused me extra levels of stress because I failed to manage my job workload with the household care tasks. Specifically I have been unable to sustain cooking meals and had to order food to be delivered. I had to throw away some fresh produce because it got to the point that they were no longer fresh and safe to consume.
I live with a narcissistic parent so I cannot expect help while the other parent is undergoing surgery preparation. In fact, the reason I am overloaded with both work and house care is precisely those two things.
I have taken on the meal preparation for the sick parent to ensure nutrition and to wean away from unhealthy food. I happen to enjoy cooking so I don't really mind and I prefer home-cooked healthy delicious meals except that often I just don't have the strength for it.
I have been skipping some basic self-care routines as well due to the lack of spoons and what I suspect is a surge on the depression. My new dose of meds have been working well but there are times like this when the darkness simply overwhelms.
Today I have long list on my Task app, including being on cat feeding duty, washing rugs and mats, cleaning up my room, cooking meals for the day and cooking advanced ready meals for the next few days.
The art will have to wait and see if there's enough of me left to create.
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